By Anasua Chakrabarti Roy Psychologist, Psychotherapist & Founder at Mum Ok Baby Ok. May 9 , 2015
Becoming a mum for the first time is a significant new change in a woman’s life. It’s often assumesd that BEING a mum comes naturally to women. However, it misses out in understanding the effort it takes to be the parent we want to be.
In my psychology practice over the last 10 years, I have worked with many different mums with one common experience. Am I doing good enough as a parent? Am I worthy as a mum? This resonated with me more when I went through my own experience with my son. I was raising him along with my husband while living away from my parents. I had to make decisions and choices for my baby within the support I received from my partner, health nurse, GP and the many phone calls to my mum overseas.
At times, mums go through chronic worrying about the right options, right routines, right products? Many of us may have spend several hours on google, take as many suggestions as possible from mothers group and seek advice from health practitioners. Information overload can become stressful and sometime a big barrier in taking the action you BELIEVE is the best option in ensuring your baby is OK. Research has shown over the years that when are in emotional state of anxiety, it impacts our capacity to think clearly. The over-active Amygdala which is the emotional center of the brain affects the capacity of the frontal lobes, our thinking center.
Worry creates more doubt, decreases our self-confidence and re-affirms our sense of failure. You forget to trust your own SELF and your own inner wisdom to navigate important choices in caring for your baby.
So how do you get in touch with that trusting voice, your inner instinct?
First step is to calm your own fear and anxiety. Take 5-10 minutes in paying attention to your breath. When you breathe deeply, you become more mindfully aware of your present.
Engage your senses of sound, smell and sight, focusing on your breathe, paying attention to your body. This will allow you to take some time out from automatic thinking stream and to get you to a relaxed space.
When you feel calmer, asking these leading questions to your own SELF will help you connect with your confidence again.
What do I value most now in BEING THE PARENT I WANT TO BE?
Out of all the information I have received, what do I FEEL is best for my baby?
What do I need to do in trusting my INNER WISDOM and giving myself permission to do so?
Becoming a parent has an amazing potential of creating a new meaning , purpose in your life and new learning in your personal growth. I have valued patience, presence and more connection since becoming a mum. Through the many challenges I experienced with my son, I have evolved more resilient and more courageous.
Prioritizing to practice this calming technique at different points through the day is KEY for your well-being. The benefits of being connected with your mummy instinct will have a positive influence over your entire parenting journey. Start this practice NOW from this very moment!
Anasua Chakrabarti Roy, Psychologist, Psychotherapist & Founder at Mum Ok Baby Ok
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